My Last Wish `

hais . tuday afternoon iie was left with myui niece at hume while myui mum went duwnstairs tuh get sume ingredients foerh dinner .
wen she came hume , iie start searchin foerh foods amount dah plastic bags .
nd iie found one envelop writing my name nd myui sku name on top .
as iie was about tuh take it nd check out whad is it , my mum snatch it awhile from miie .
sho iie dhunch kare sho much but iie knew it must be sumething wierd .
sho as my mother ish preparing food foerh dinner , iie wen in tuh dah room without her notice , iie search foerh dah envelop .
iie found it out ofh dah sudden in myui primary sku bag sho iie open it quietly nd jus slightly read it . it has a map on a piece ofh paper showin dah way tuh gho tuh juvenile court .
iie continue lookin at dah other paper nd iie realised was reports on miie this 1 year plus iim inne canberra secondary sku . nd iie slightly read it over .
iie notice dhat it was report dhat was supposed tuh be bought tuh juvenile court tuh send miie tuh girl's hume . iim nurt shure wifh it but slightly shud be ifh iim nurt wrong . iie just find it curious ofh this . probably they just dhunch wan miie tyuh know anythingy till dah day they send miie tuh attend dah juvenile court nd sentence tuh gerl's hume ???
iie dhunch know anythingy either . hais . even its sho , iie habe nothingy tuh say nd express any more . in case anythingy happen tuh miie . iie hope from tuday onwards , after this bloggie iie habe post . iie hope dhere will be sumeone kan help miie kip on call myui stead hus sayin lookin foerh ben nd help miie inform himdhat , iie did nurt ran away with another guy but just probably sumethingy might happen tuh miie . ifh this few months iie did nurt even wen tuh mit him up , iie hope dhat he will understand nd continue tuh wait foerh miie . ifh anyone willin tuh help , please tag miie nd i'll let ue knoe his hus number . thanks bery much cus this ish myui last wish before anythingy happen tuh miie .

from 29th jan 2007 onwards .
hamster ish totally change ! she dhunch believe inne anybody anymore .
all she nid ish BenjamineChenWeiFeng .
dah one whu ish willin tuh drop 3 tears foerh hamster .
SharinaTangSiewLing SWEAR SHE LOVES BenjamineChenWeiFeng TILL SHE DIES <333
25.October.2006 - o539Am.x NEBER SAY ENDS NO MATTER WHAD !!
wen she ish being release from dah jail HOUSE !
she wurn be a hamster before , she wurn lie anymore .
nd she wurn care foerh anyone anymore but just dah HIM !
ish friends nd families make her becume inne this state , sho dhunch ever blame her !!!

we habe broken up on 24th jan 2007 , patch on 25th jan tuh 28th jan 2007 [midnitex].
cus iie lied tuh him nd iie knew this was whad iie deserve .
on 24th jan 2007 , he found out all dah truth dhat iie habe lied tuh him .
we just broken up like dhat . from his eyes was 3 drops ofh tears fallin down tuh his faces .
becus he dhunch wanna break up . but he habe no choice .
but before he left he told miie dhat he ish gibing miie one months ofh time tuh change everything . nd he promise miie dhat he will definitely wait foerh dah day iie gho back tuh him nd said iie habe change ! nd ie promise him dhat iie will definitely change . nd before iie left , iie requested dhat iie hope he will be accompanyin miie foerh dah next day as it was supposed tuh be our 3 months anniversary .
25th jan 2007 , he came outside myui sku tuh fetch miie nd bring miie gho walk walk !!
he brought miie walkin ard nd we chat nd chat . foerh a sudden , iie held up his hand nd start tellin him dhat iie just cant afford tuh lose him . nd we patch up just like this . everyday we habe tuh hide here nd there tuh be together . ish sho tired foerh dah both ofh us .
28th jan 2007 , iie quarrelled wifh father nd he came up tuh ben hse tuh find miie , at midnitex .
myui father gave him a tight slap on his face . iie cried immediately foerh dhat slap . it really hurts . iie was dhen drag hume wifh myui dad pulliin myui hair here nd dhere . wen iie reach hume . myui dad gets chain tuh lock myui legs together . nd drag miie here nd dhere at hume . he told miie he ish gonna treat miie like a dog , but nurt a human being from dhat onwards .
he keep on kickin , slapin nd punchin miie all over my body nd he wen back tuh room tuh take a belt tuh beat miie all over a body . whole body ish bruises nd injuries . iie habe nothingys tuh express . they asked miie whether tuh choose tuh saty wifh family or benjamine . iie think twice nd iie choose benjamine at last . he ask miie again nd he warned miie that ifh iie choose benjamine again . he shall beat miie tuh death . butd iie choose benjamine at last . tuh covered everythingy by myuiselfh , iie gotten beaten everytimes he cumes out from rooms . he throw foods on the floor for miie tuh eat nd iie did nurt eat at all . even bath os0h cannurt take out dah chain . hais . all ish tuh make shure he wurn dho anythigny tuh benjamine from dhat onwards . iim like a dog stayin at home wifhout any freedom . but iie dhunch mind ifh this ish tuh make shure nothingy bad will happen tuh benjamine . although iie cant get tuh him at all but iim shure the time he ish at home nd iie nurt dhere means nothingy bad will happen . probably he ish happy outside wen iim sufferein at all but its ok . iie dhunch mind . iie just hope dhat he will be happy dhats all . ifh iie knoe he ish happy outside iie will be happy too !!! probably this ish dah first time ii willin tuh sacrifice sho much foerh a guy iie just habe a relationship wifh him foerh 3 months . but iie knw why iim willin just becus ofh dah 3 drops ofh tears from his eyes !!! although iim missin him everyday , butd dheres nothingy iie kan dho . just lookin at dah xiao zhuzhu he boughty foerh miie every day nitex . nd quietly cryin thru out days nd days . ben ; iie will definitely be back tuh find miie ! hope ue will be waitin !!!! sharina love benjamine <33

BYEBYE HOLIDAYS !!!

sho fast ! 2 months ofh holiday just pass like dhat . every day staying at myui sia0eh hus . dhoing nothingy . hahas . butd feels bery happy bein wifh him . mwarhs ! 25october2006 ! iie loorfe ue laogong . tomorrow start sku lerhs . sianx . nitex nitex .

BIRTHDAY SARKS !

birthday ? nurt happy at all . no sisterhs specially arrived .

stead ? scolded nd quarrelled wifh miie . hais ! iie dhunch even kn0e iie open this b'day party foerh whadd ? nurt even enjoying myui selfh at all . hais .

whad habe iie been dhoin foerh myui bday ? prepared sho much food nd events foerh fwends . butd none ofh those special nd important arrived . myui worse bdae ever inne myui lyfe ! nd unexpectable quarrelled wifh dah closest on dhat day . he kept scoldin nd scoldin . iie cried nd ran away . he ish dah closest already . butd yet he treated miie like this . iie really habe nothingy more tuh express from myuiselfh !

IM A FCUKIN BICTH !

HAIS . whad dah fcuk iie dhoin nuwadas ?

kind ofh fcukin thinkin nd action done by miie .

iie failed tuh be a perfect stead .

forgive myuiselfh foerh dhoin all this ish impossible de lurhs .

although ish holiday already , kan gho out nd play le .

butd having sho much thingys hide inne myui hart

dho iie still habe dah mood tuh play ard ?

iie dhunch think sho . although iie knoe there ish many fwends round miie

making myui life remains happy every day .

although iie look happy actually iie nurt at all nurhs .

iie just wanna hide inne dah darkness where no one ish dhere nd no one kan find miie .

iie wanna cry out loud tuh let euu knoe .

butd even iie dho will euu really kares ?

totally no time tuh blog at all till tuday .

every accompanyin euu here nd dhere nd at euur hus .

iie dhunch mind . butd iie really hope dhat sum times euu really kan understand miie more .

iie hope euu kan love miie more dhen iie dho .

cus iie really loorve dhat much dhat it cant be describe any more .

kan we put away all our "xin shi" nd concentrate on this relationship which iie really willin tuh last nd treasure it ???

iie wanna leave butd dho iie bear tuh ? iie dhunch think sho at all !

jus woke up . feelin sho tired .

where iim ghoin tuh gho next ? tuah or hume ?

shad argh !!! iie finally realised yinqx nd gina ish myui most relyable fwend le .

although sume times might quarrel wifh each other nd gib attitude .

butd we wurn lie tuh each other !

sisterhs dhunch lie , ifh sisterhs lie are nurt sisterhs .

oni they pei miie all this day before myui court day .

iie love them llotas .

birthday cuming nearer nd nearer .

whu kan actually able tuh pei miie celebrate wifh miie ?

hais .

openein chalet at sentosa on 7 dec tuh 9 dec 3d 2n .

those whu wanna cume , iie welcume !

RONGYING . REGINA . YANGYIN . HUIJUN . MANAGER . AHBOI . JAC . HOWARD . ZHENHAO . AMELIA . JASLIN . JIAWEI . SHAERMAN . KENNETH . YENPING . YENCHENG . FRANCESCA

all DEFINITELY MUST cume !!!!!!

whu dhunch cume iie kill whu .

at this moment ! hahas .

rongying still sleepin . whad dah !

she zhu tou larhs her . hahas .

lta at nitex dhen blog again !

hais . nuwadas everyday gho sku BUTD everyday tio suspended .

dhunch knoe iie still gho sku foerh whad ?

tuday tio suspend again . ash usual !

zhenhao korkor ` choonann nd howard dear tiio too .

hahas .

all bii quack =X dhey gho skip detention .

dhen at last tuday gurt caught inne dah mornin assembly .

suspended till 9 plus dhen wen foerh caning .

1 stroke . hurt x3

PAIN PAIN PAIN !!!

dhen howard nd choonann wen back class dhen left korkor .

korkor hair too long get caught ` tootpidde .

wakakakakaka .

cut already like WHAD ???

pei miie chat chat chat .

walkin here nd there untill sku dismissed .

tok bout many many thingy nurhs .

hais . iie will os0h think over whad he told miie lurhs .

no matter foerh whuse sake , iie habe tuh make a final decision .

sho its betta tuh make up dah decision earlier dhen lettin it drag nd drag at last will be hurt more .

dhunch feel like ghoing any where any more ,

tomorrow sku holiday till next wed dhen nid gho sku .

everybody kan relax nd gho enjoy ard .

butd hais .

saturday need tuh attent court .

dhunch knoe whad will happen dhat day .

ifh anythingy happen tuh happens , iie jus hope dhat wen laogong cume out will guaiguai dhunch dho wrong thingy lerhhs . everybody dhunch need worry bout miie nurhs . hmm . os0h hope dhat tuah kan sun sun li li get thru everythingy nd peace foerh dhat period . nd nothingy happen tuh uncle nd tuah members . ji wang gong pah buay toh ~

nothingy will happen tuh miie de .

although iie myuiselfh ish worry too . but iie habe confident too !

no matter whad . everybody must tkc ifh anythingy happen tuh miie !

BACK TUH BL0GGIE !!!! S0WWIE GUYS !!!!!!!!

iim back tuh myui bl0ggie !

yos everyone .

ever since july im preparing foerh myui exam .

dhen no time tuh update nurhs .

dhenn exam finish lerhhs .

butd during this short period ofh time many thingy happens .

make miie totally no mood tuh blog at all nurhs .

hais .

tired arhs .

almost every day at tuah .

dhenn laogong . . . .

sume thingy happen nurhs .

just dhunch wanna say nd express out myui feelings .

no one will ever understand huw iim feelin every day .

just wanna leave dah world like dhat butd iie suddenly realised dhere still always sume one carin nd worryin bout miie .

shud iie continue studyin nurt ?

hais . every day gho sku see dah fcukin cher face .

waste myui time nurhs .

just wanna fcukin leave this fcukin idoitic sku !

butd iie once promyshhe him iie wurn quit sku nurhs .

although iim nurt use tuh dah life wifhout him !

butd iie strong .

nd iim waiting everyday every min every seconds .

no matter huw iie long iie will still wait .

butd will he still remember wen he cumes out ?

iie really hope he will .

probably by nuw dhenn ii realised .

wen he ish wifh miie iie did nurt cherish nd treasure it .

nd wen he ish nurt ard anymore dhenn realised huw much iie actually nid him .

rongying . yangyin . regina . jiawei . jaslin . amelia . howard . kenneth . ahben . ahboi . jon nd huijun !

thanks sho muach foerhh companyin miie tish period as he ish nurt ard wifh miie .

all day accompanyin miiee nd encouragin miie nurt tuh gibbe up myui life nd habe confident inne myuiself dhat wen he cumes out he will definitely still remember miie !!!

hais . sho many thingy happen !

huw i hope we kan be like last time .

just happily wifhh our own life .

nd dhunch nid tuh kare boutt whad other people whud say .

why kan we dho dhat inne dah past butd nurt now ?

ish im dah one whu change or euu ?

euu will still rmb tuh visit mui bl0ggie every time eu are free .

butd nuw . no more le . really no more le .

whad happen ? are euu still dah jieyong that i first knew .

or sumone else ? please .

dhunch dho all this tuh euurselfh .

makin euu euur own selfhh tuh be stress nd tired over small matters .

dah one i love ish dah jieyong dhat i first knew .

nurt nuw de jieyong .

sumeone dhat ish bery fierce nd sumeone whu dhunch kare bout huw people feels .

i knew dhat dah old jieyong will be back .

butd kann euu guys tell miie .

whad habbe make him tuh leave inne dah startin .

or ish im dah one whu change ?

i knew i habbe totally change ,

where ish last time de hamster .

a gerl dhat knew huw tuh think .

sumone dhat ishh willin tuh listen tuh everything he say.

where ish she ?

wen will last time de hamster nd jieyong cume back .

a perfect couple ash end up in this state . what habbe actually happen btwn them ?

does any body knoe whad dah both ofh them ish thinkin bout ?

hais . hais . hais .

although she hate butd she still love him llotass .

zhiyen =((

where euu ?

miie nidds euu llotoaSs .

hais . euu kn0e whad happen nuw anurt ?

where are euu ?

dho0 eu still rmb miie ?

7 years ofh sistar ship .

habe euu totally forgetten miie or whadd ?

cries .

i dhunch kn0e whad happen tuh euu nurhhs .

find ways tuh c0ntact miie asap kkeaSs .

or euu call m0ii mummy or m0ii jiejie dhey all tuh lo0k f0erhh miie ok marhhs .

i wan tuh kn0e whad exactly happen .

miie gurt pr0b euu first one help .

butd dhenn euu gurt pr0b i dhunch kn0e any thingy .

s0wwie .

sianx . sku reopen lerhhs .

cannurtt ton liaos .

butd still hack care . ytd ton at deardeaer hus .

wait foerhh him cume back from lion dance .

see him sho tired .

hartt br0kenn nurhhs .

butd kant dho0 any thingy .

miie to0tpidde nurhhs .

laogong wansui !

dhenn even co0k thingy foerhh him tuh eat .

butd dhenn .

i think it taste awfull barhhs .

ifhh nurtt why he even try os0h dhunch wanna try .

omg !

ish m0ii co0kinn skill really dhatt bad .

must i really gho learn huw tuh co0k f0erhh dah sake ofhh him ?

hahas .

pr0bably yesh barhhs !

no0 ch0ice .

hahas . 3 days being wifhh him .
neber gho0 hume . sho0 happy .
i enjoy m0iselfhh ll0tass . although running here nd dhere .
its tiring butd its fun nurhhs . hahas .
it will be inne m0ii mind nd became mem0ries nd will remain inne m0i mind f0erhh lfhe

just only reach hume nurhhs . dh0in nth nurhhs .
myshhe him alth0ugh jus only leave him nehhs !
pr0bably i lo0rfe him to0 muchh le barhhs . hahas .
o1o3o6 neber end . everlasting relati0nship .

5am slp . 7am wake upp .

prepare thingy dhenn gho out lerhhs !

wen tuhh wenbin hus find m0ii ba0beiis laogong .

dhenn slp till b0uut 12 pm dhenn gho0 out .

we wen tuh his hus . dhenn slp again . dhen wen tuh amk tgt .

dhenn t0n outside . till 5 am + . sho0 funn nehhs .

dhenn gho his hus slp . till next day 3pm + .

dhenn prepare thingy dhenn gho0 aljunied wifhh wenbin / khengweePAPA nd deardear .

we wentt tuhh see a sai guan , ahahs .

dhenn went tuh eat nearby dhenn wen tuh sbw . dhenn all gho hume .

dhenn i wen tuh deardear hus tuh orhorh . dhen afternoon he wen out first .

dhenn i mit him at sbw mrt . cus i slp awhile more at his hus .

dhenn wen tuh sbw mrt . tgt we take mrt tuh amk again .

find alvin . dhenn soon papa . xuelian . andrew . wenbin came .

dhenn miie . deardear . alvin nd dexing went tuh whampoa tgt tuh sell otah !

dhenn nite . we wen back tuh sbw dhenn i gho deardear hus take moi thingy .

dhenn i wen hume lerhhs !

hais ! fuckinn hell *

kanna beat up by cousin / sister / mummy !

nurtt muchh bruises larhs ..

but dhey pull my hair . pull my ear . slap mi . punch mi . kick mi .

tak my head knock against dah floor ! i dhunno whether dhey treat mi ash one of dah family

member anotts lorh !

took my handfonne away . i neber say any thg lorhs .

still hao yi shi use my handfonne tuh keep callinn her husband .. waste my handfonne $

kaninabei chao cheebye ! pua cheebye la !

dah moment dhey told mi from nuw on

no need gho out . no hp . even sku osoh no need tuh gho !

dah first one i thought ofhhe ish zhuzhuLAOGONG lerhs ..

thinnkinn dhatt issit really frm dhatt tyme onwards

i dhun gertt tuh see him again .. tuh be wifhhe him .. playinn happily !

all those happy moments i spended wiffh him .. gerts intuh memories ?

laogong .. i really bery bery myshhe you ! mwarkSs ..

ath laogong hus ( shes sad )

hais ! again ... dhunn knoe whadd hes thinnkinnq bout ..

bery bery de worriedd bout him lorhs ..

bery bery hope dhatt he whud kindly tell miie whadd actually hes thinnkiin bout !

i shed dah most tears ferhhe him ..

probably i truly loorfe him .. im nurtt wrong tysh tyme ?

i dhunn knoe wadd im dhoing lorhs ..

he every tyme say i wurnn serious inne any thg .. every tyme dhoing wadd osoh play !

bery xiao hai zi .. hais ! butd dhenn im nurtt a child any more lerhs !

i cried nd cried ferhhe him but dho he understand ?

m i dah one whu chnage or ish he dah one whu change ? i dhunno at all !

he adores he care he treat miie well ... he once told miie he loorfe mii !

butd ish dah feeling still dhere nuw ? i hope sho !

i dhunno huww tuh express huw i thinnk tuh him .. or tuh any one !

butd juss blogging nd blogging ..

really really need him llotass ..

m i still dah humble and understanding hamster ?

or have i becum a crazy and a person dhatt ishh nurtt understanding at all ?

i dhunno .. i dhunno .. i dhunno !

im ghoing crazy bery soon .. i dhunno whadd im ghoing tuh dho next lorhs .. hais !

will i habe a chance tuh change back tuh last tyme de hamster ?

i dhunno at all lorhs !

i hope he realli care .. i really need him lors !

hais ! will i really change ferhhe him ... dah 0ni him ???

i really really dho loorfe him llotass ... really hope he kan kindly understand larhs !

i dhunno wadds im dhoing nuw .. butd jus kip on typin nd typing ..

hope kan be wifhhe him ferhhe dah rest on my life norhs ..

will he understand even i express huww ish my feeling like tuh him ? i dhunno lorhs !

really hope he will ... i dhunno whadd tuh say tuh him ..

every tyme wan tuh say things tuhhim every tyme mus think already dhenn kan say ..

i will owass think before i say .. scare say any thg wrong again ?

every body round miie will knoe i habe nebr been sho serious inne a guy be4 ..

wenever during quarrel i wurnn fight back ..

during he say any thg bad bout miie i neber gib face tuh him ..

hais !! really hope dhatt he will finally knoe whadd actually i habe owass been thinnkin bout nd whadd i trying tuh express tuh him !!!

sho happy !

finally kan mit laogong lerhs ! sho damn happy lorhs ...

i really bery bery myshhe him lorhs ..

although ish jus 1 day nber be wifh him ..

mwarkSs .. laogong wo ai si ni le larhs /-

nuw ath laogong hus blogging larhs ..

heesx ..

fuckingg day !

hais ! tuday morning actually ghoing sku ..

butd end up my uni being burn up by moii mum !

hais .. dhunn knoe wadd she actually wann lorhs ..

i only told her dhatt i will be ghoing sku late butd no amtter whadd i will gho tuh sku ..

butd dhenn i dhunn knoe whadd dah fucking thing she wan mi tuh dho larhs !

she took my uni gho burn i neber say any thg lorhs .. yet she took away my hp lorhs !

lim bu gan dulan lorhs .. ccb *

dhenn i wenn tuh snatchh fromm her nd kanna one slap from her ..

hais .. actually im fighting back de .. butd i promyshhe laogong cannurt fight back le ..

no choice lorh .. let her tak nd gho intuh dah room jus like dhatt ..

criedd dah whole morning ..

canurtt gho out / no hp ! huww m i gonna survive in tysh way ?

OH MY GOD ...

i myshhe moii laogong bery dah much lor ..

yet he cant gertt tuh contact mii nd i cant gertt tuh contact him too ..

miie bery bery sad lorhs ...

feel like dieing .. butd i mus live on ferhhe nobody butd juss him !

i really deeply fall in loorfe wifh him lerhs .. cant be control by muiiselfhhe anymore !

645 pm .. i dhunn care ... i told jasmineBESTIE thru msn ;

tuh help mi call my laogong hp nd wake moii laogong upp ferhhe work

nd sun bian ask moii laogong call my mum hp say looking ferhh mii ..

laogong call mii lerhs .. sho happy tuh hear his voice ... bery fast he hang up lerhs !

butd he online jus tuh chat wid mi nd almost lata ferhhe work wors !

he bery bery gurdd lorhs .. zhuzhu wo ai si ni le !

laogong der hp butd moii reflection -. (ps)

iloorveyongyong <33